


speed

by blawky



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Character Analysis, Gen, Jae-eun Kwon/Original Character, M/M, angst again, jae-eun is a LEGEND, yuna and seung-hwa are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 00:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15919665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blawky/pseuds/blawky
Summary: "You do not mind the pain. It reminds you that you are human."





	speed

Jae-eun gripped the wheel of his car with white knuckles, willing the memories to evanesce, for his head to clear. Every time the car slowed down, all he saw in his mind’s eyes were the memories, remembrances of someone he barely recognized. 

As he rolled up to a red light and his windshield wipers began blurring the rain on his window, visions danced before his eyes, each one nauseatingly dull around the edges, like a half-memory. 

_Jae-eun, holding the hands of two people whose faces — once so familiar, so close — were alien to him. Were these his parents? Did they even exist, in this plane, if he couldn’t even remember their faces?_

His grip only tightened, and he forced his tears back. It wouldn’t do to have puffy eyes at the press conference, not when the whole world would be watching. MEKA pilots didn’t cry: they were strong, they were the pride of Korea. And if he wasn’t a MEKA pilot, what was he?

_Chan-seong’s face, his voice sour like rotten sugar, his lips curling in something that was almost a frown, pity in his brown eyes._

_“Who do you want me to be?” Jae-eun recalled screaming, his throat raw and scratched, voice broken like a music box that had been played one too many times._

_“The real you,” Chan-seong had said, his delivery colder than ice. “But you don’t even know who that is, do you? Jae-eun Kwon, racer extraordinaire. You’re gonna be famous someday, Jae-eun. Everyone’s going to love you.”_

_“But are they going to know you?”_

Jae-eun let out a deep breath as the light turned green, and he slammed his foot down on the accelerator, his car roaring through the empty streets of Daejeon, so familiar to him. Jae-eun wasn’t really sure why he’d returned to the city of his birth, or why he’d visited his old house — or rather, the house he’d been told was once his — but most of all, he wasn’t sure why it ached like this. 

All of this was in the past, someone else’s past. Jae-eun Kwon was a racer, a MEKA pilot, a symbol of Korean excellence. He was fast, and when he hit the accelerator, he never looked back.

So why was he here? 

_“Jae-eun!”_ Was that Yuna screaming? He couldn’t quite remember who, but he remembered where. 

_“We aren’t ready! We can’t take this on!” Seung-hwa’s voice cut crystal clear through the communications system when the giant Gwishin had rosen up to fight the pilots, the last noise Jae-eun heard before everything went to hell._

Jae-eun forced the memories down, forced himself to focus on the road, on the speedometer that was steadily climbing higher and higher. How fast did one have to go, he wondered, to stop the memories? How fast could he push himself until he outran all the ghosts of his past? 

Too fast. But when had anything ever been too fast for Jae-eun Kwon? 

_Gunfire. Piercing, hellish gunfire, the sound of Gwishin after Gwishin throwing themselves at his mech. The sound of heavy machinery whirring at the giant zeroed in on him. Losing control of La Sereine Princessa._

Jae-eun recalled the feeling of helplessness when he’d lost control of his mech, spinning out. He recalled the strange peace that came in the moments betwixt life and death, when he thought the Gwishin would finally end Casino’s career, once and for all. 

And then, like a miracle — or maybe a curse, forcing him to go on even when his body screamed to stop — he’d regained control. They’d tipped the scales, if only for just a moment, and if there was anything Jae-eun excelled at, it was beating the odds. 

How did the old saying go, again? To be a winner, you have to roll the dice. You have to gamble with fate, take chances, dangerous ones, and you can come out ahead. Most of the time.

They’d rolled the dice, and they’d won. That time. But how long would their luck last? What happens when they stop winning, when their luck sours, when the dice rot and fall apart? Can you still get lucky if there’s no luck to be won? 

Jae-eun didn’t like to dwell on failure, so he pushed it from his mind, pushed the tears that threatened to spill over back into his skull. There was no time for this emotion, no time for there to be any cracks in the veneer.

As he pulled up to the building that would host the press conference, Jae-eun Kwon ceased to exist, replaced instead by Casino. Some part of him was still there, still afraid, but he silenced it, herded it into a corner and hid it from the world.

A man in a sleek tuxedo, standing svelte and proper, opened his car door for him. 

Jae-eun — Casino — nodded his thanks to the man, forcing himself to forget all about the painful memories. 

What use did Casino have for memory? 

_"Eyes up, soldier. Remember what you stand for."_ Who had said that? All the voices blurred together after a while. 

He heard the sound of cameras flashing, and Jae-eun turned to face them, the mask falling into place as he did so. 

Would things ever go back to the way they were?

Casino smiled big and bright for the cameras, winking playfully. And there, in the flashing cameras, was his answer.

**Author's Note:**

> another character analysis, this time for the living legend and my muse as of late, jae-eun kwon! i hope you guys liked it <3
> 
> feel free to check out my tumblr (mlmcasino.tumblr.com) if you wanna scream about the MEKA team with me or just scream in general
> 
> jae-eun also has a playlist! https://open.spotify.com/user/frenchiestfry/playlist/7dNq3sbp4852nTQCA2uiqm?si=3QtZES61TmeveOv45_-2Qw


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